|
发表于 2014-6-10 16:44:30
|
显示全部楼层
本版风玲斑竹原创
2,3岁的孩子刚开始上幼儿园,都会有一个适应期,这种情况很普遍,即使是本地孩子,适应能力弱一点的孩子也一样会有分离焦虑和较长的适应期。孩子从家到幼儿园,相当于跨出了走入社会的第一步,刚开始会比较辛苦的,家长多配合孩子调整情绪,解释道理,相信慢慢就可以适应了。适应期的长短因人而异,相对来说,比较自信,active的孩子会更容易适应新环境。另外,lowself-esteem的孩子,平常跟父母有很好的attachment的孩子,都会更容易有分离焦虑(seperation anxiety)。
简单说几点帮助的办法:前面蓝月亮mm提出了很多从客观方面考虑的因素,很全面,我这里就不多补充了,只补充一点,申请做做义工或class mum,可以在班上帮忙服务,观察孩子的表现,有助于发现问题。
下面介绍一些从主观方面考虑的因素,提高孩子自身的适应能力,我认为这更重要,对孩子也会更有帮助。
1. 心理辅导
以前我说过,一旦孩子遇到不开心或者困难,家长首先要想到的事就是心理辅导,帮助孩子顺利度过难关,这样可以增强心理承受力以及亲子关系。给孩子找一些有关幼儿园的书,一起讲讲故事,比如故事里包括小朋友在幼儿园快乐地交朋友,一起玩等。或者一起聊聊天,多给予鼓励。快3岁已经可以迈出走入社会的第一步了,这一关总是要过的,不过爸爸妈妈都会帮助他,要让孩子了解这些并做好这么做的心理准备。
2. 语言方面我不认为家长一定要在家跟孩子讲英文,不过需要家长告诉孩子一些平常必用的英文的讲法,比如:I want to go to thetoilet, 或者简单点说wee, wee, poo, poo。 另外,I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm cold,She pushed me, 等日常必用的要学会。
另外,每天给孩子读读简单的英文故事书,教唱英文儿歌,有利于培养语感,适应幼儿园的活动。孩子在参与活动的时候,也更容易有自信。
3. 培养自信心(self-esteem)
平常有时间多带孩子出去玩,比如公园,游乐场,city等,跟同龄孩子一起玩,所谓见多识广,会对培养自信有好处。平常多鼓励,采取民主的家庭管理方式。放手让孩子自己去做一些决定,自己explore the environment等,都有助于培养自信。
4. 教孩子一些社会交往能力(social skills)
在幼儿园,一定要遵从这里的一些社会规则,比如跟老师greeting,伴随eye-contact,如果孩子比较Shy,不一定要一次达成,每次去的时候都要鼓励孩子这么做,慢慢就可以了。比如早晨到了,要叫孩子跟老师say hello,要看着老师的眼睛,走的时候,要去跟每个老师say goodbye等。另外就是跟别的孩子玩的时候,turn taking,sharing等一定要会。
还有,教孩子保护自己的能力。如果有别的孩子欺负你,要把手竖到那个孩子的面前大声说STOP! 语言好的可以加上:I don't like it. 或 You're hurting me。然后告诉老师。
Helping your Child Adjust to Child Care
You've just started your child in care. It's the first day however things go wrong and your child protests loudly when its' time for you to say goodbye.
Many children experience anxiety when starting a new child care arrangement but there is plenty you can do to make the transition as stress free as possible for you and your child.
Here are a few tips:
Prepare your child by talking to them in advance, tell them where they will be going, what they will be doing. Take your child to visit the provider or carer's home on a few occasions before you need to leave them for the first time. Show your child where they will be going. Answer any questions they may have openly and honestly reassuring them that everything is OK. Arrive at least 15 minutes ahead of time so that you can help your child to settle into an activity before you have to head off to work.They are less likely to protest your departure if they are having fun and involved with an activity. Familiar objects such as a favorite stuffed animal or security blanket should be on hand. Your child may find it easier to adjust to a particular care situation having a favoured toy to hold when feeling anxious or upset. Try and allocate enough time so you aren't rushing to sign in and settle your child into an activity. Pay attention to your own body language when saying good bye toyour child. If you're feeling uncertain about the new arrangement you could be conveying some of your own anxiety to your child. Resist the temptation to sneak out the door while your child isn't looking. You'll simply create more problems for both of you. Fearing that you're going to disappear again, your child may become unwilling to let you out of sight for a minute – even when you are at home. If your child reacts strongly see if your partner or a trusted friend can drop the child off instead. They might actually be protesting your departure more than the particular child care environment. Ask your child's carer if they can provide insights about the problem. For instance maybe the child doesn't like one of the other children in the group or is having difficulty settling down for an afternoon nap. Consistency is important so stick to a routine. Avoid making other changes to your child's routine while getting used to a new child care arrangement. For example this would not be a good time to move them from a cot to a bed. Accept the fact that it takes time for young children to adjust to a new child care setting and some children take longer than others. Be alert to the possibility of an underlying problem. If your child hasn't settled into his arrangement after a couple of weeks, it may just be a poor choice for your child. This doesn't necessarily mean that abuse is occurring. The problem could be something as simple as a personality conflict between your child and a caregiver.
Settling into Childcare
While the good news is that most children settleinto child care without too much concern, there are some instances where little ones simply can't cope. Here are a few pointers on what to do about separation anxiety.
For most parents, introducing a little one to formal day care is a daunting and emotional time. In fact, it's probably fair to say that we embark on this new adventure with the expectation of some tearful goodbyes. So how can we ease the anxiety associated with this important transition and what should we do if the tears just don't subside?
Plan Ahead
Angie Bailison, a parenting consultant and specialist in school preparation programs, says parents and children benefit from lots of research,communication and the chance to gradually familiarise their child with alternate carers and the care setting.
'It is not at all easy leaving your child with another person so I normally suggest that parents try leaving their baby with trusted family or friends for a few hours from a very young age,' she says. 'Giving your child time to adjust to other carers well in advance of them starting care is a great way to alleviate separation anxiety.'
Macquarie University Institute of Early Childhood Lecturer Dr Frances Gibson agrees that while separation anxiety is a normal stage of development, there is a turning point when little ones are more sensitive to the absence of their parents.
'The age of two to six months is seen as a period of "attachment-in-the-making,where infants signal particular people and recognise their parents, but from six months onwards they begin to display clear separation anxiety when their parent leaves them,' she explains.
'Separation anxiety really starts as the infant becomes more mobile. Children need to explore and play to learn and develop, but they also need to know how to signal their primary caregiver and be confident that the person will come and help them.Separation anxiety is a healthy, protective thing. It's saying, "Hey,you're important to me, you're my safe base, and you're the person I can count on. That's why it's so important for children who are going into care to begiven the opportunity to develop confidence and trust in alternate carers from an early age.'
Research your Options
Researching the various types of care available within your community and speaking with staff about their care culture, policies and procedures is another way in which parents can pre-empt any concerns and identify the most suitable setting for their child.
Bailison believes the research process is critical to finding the perfect solution.'Understanding your child's individual needs and identifying a care setting that responds to those needs is the first essential step,' she explains.'Different types of care suit different children. Some children are happy to be around large groups of people and are very adaptable to different people caring for them. Therefore, centre based care, with more than one staff member and more than five children, is a great option for them. Children who are more overwhelmed by large crowds and tend to stay closer to their familiar caregivers are sometimes best to start off in a care setting such as family daycare, which is a smaller home-based environment.'
Make a Gradual Transition
Once a care setting has been selected, Bailison recommends a gentle transition that starts with a few visits to the centre each week with mum or dad, followed by increasing periods of separation. 'Arrange with the centre for you to have some settling time with your child so they can get to know the carers and the environment while you are there to support them. If possible, you should visit the centre together more than once a week because a full week between visits isa long time for your child to remember the people and setting. Once they appear more confident in their surroundings, it is great to start by leaving your child for three to four hours before slowly building to a full day,' she says.
Dr Gibson agrees that transition with parental supervision is essential: 'Experts suggest that parents should stay at the centre for a period of time over a few weeks and slowly withdraw themselves rather than leaving abruptly.'
To date there has only been a small amount of research on what is abrupt and what is lenient. According to Dr Gibson, abrupt would be something under an hour for a toddler who is unfamiliar with the carer and environment. However, each child may have a different threshold for what is experienced as an abrupt parent departure.
Keep up the Communication
Communication between parent, child and staff is also critical in helping children and parents adjust to this new arrangement. Bailison says positive conversation with your child about their new carers and the centre prior to each visit will prepare them for the day and convey your confidence in the care environment.
She says, 'Like adults, children need to be reassured. They need to hear that they will enjoy being with their new friends and carers. It's a good idea for parents to explain the daily routine and to let them know when you'll be backto pick them up. Sometimes parents sneak out or linger with their child toolong and this usually upsets the child as they are getting mixed messages.'
Bailison also emphasises the importance of parents maintaining open communication with staff. 'It is vital for parents to have trust that the carer will be honest if their child is not happy and to what degree. Talk to the carer about their favourite games and toys, and offer suggestions about distractions which may help your child to forget about being without you.'
Dr Gibson observes that children themselves may use a variety of self comforting behaviours when they feel lonely, tired or anxious and one of these might bethe use of "transitional objects. 'Children will often find their sense of autonomy, independence and feeling of security through favoured objects. You have to call them objects as they are not always toys and blankets, sometimes they are bits of cotton or rubber. These transitional objects are seen to represent something safe, something secure, their family, some part of their base. Children will often be comforted by taking these objects with them to preschool or day care so by all means encourage them to do so.'
What if the Tears don't Subside?
While the good news is that most children settle into care without too much concern, there are some instances where little ones simply can't cope with separation anxiety. Parents will naturally be especially attentive to theirchild's behaviour during this time and actively communicate their concerns with centre staff.
Some warning signals to look out for include:
Persistent crying throughout the day while in care and not being able to be comforted or distracted by the carerAfraid of going to care or afraid of a carerExtreme changes in their mood or behaviour every time they go to or are collected from careNot eating or drinking for long periods of timeRegression in their development, nightmares during the night, and wetting or soiling pants when they have been toilet trained for a long time.
Bailison says that if your child has been attending care more than one day a week for at least a month and is not settling, it is a good time to schedule a meeting with the carers to review the issues and options.
'Sometimes the issue may simply be a clash of personality between your child and the main carer, and you may find your child is fine with an alternate carer,' she explains. 'It is an essential first step to discuss these options with the service but if your child is still unhappy then you must trust your instinct and perhaps try a different type of care.
'
Most importantly though, parents should take comfort in knowing that they are doing a tremendous job caring for their little one and that separation anxiety is perfectly normal. The reality is that some children just need the right environment and a little more time to develop trust and confidence in someone other than their beloved parents.
[ 本帖最后由 蓝月亮 于 2009-5-25 20:51 编辑 ] |
|