英语找错

bulaohu. · 发表于 2014-6-20 10:39:24

刚刚去www.abc.net.au/unleashed，看看有没有该骂的文章好骂上两句然后洗洗去睡，哪知道人家网站出问题了，显示出来这么一段话：
“
We're Sorry
...
We're unable to
supply the service
you have requested. This may be due to
unavoidable
technical problems or very high load on our site. We apologise for any inconvenience and
anticipate
that
normal service
will
resume
shortly.”
看得我乐了，刚刚在另外一个帖子里谈到Chinglish，这一段就是典型的Chinglish。大家有没有兴趣来指出其用词或者语气不当的地方，并加以改正，最好能把自己认为正确的句子写出来？共同学习，共同提高...
而且还有分分...
应飞飞要求，把个人意见搬到顶楼...
我还是先把我的观点详细解释一下，然后请大家拍砖
1. "We're Sorry" - It's not good to start with an unconditional apology. If you really want to apologize, say it after wards. "we apologize for the inconvenience" or "we regret" are better ways of saying it.
2. "supply the service" is a direct, word-to-word translation of 提供服务。The guy who wrote this is still thinking in Chinese.
3. "unavoidable" technical problems? Only death, tax and natural disaster are "unavoidable". "Unexpected" is much more suitable. Actually, "unavoidable" sounds a lot more like an excuse than a sincere explanation!
4. "normal" service. This is no such a thing called "normal" service. Once again, this is a direct translation of 正常服务, which is a popular Chinese phrase in this context, but in English it should be "back to normal" or "restore the service", depending on the context.
5. "resume" - like point 4, "restore" is more suitable than "resume", you restore something after it's broken, you resume something after you purposely stopped it in a controlled manner.
[ 本帖最后由 bulaohu 于 2008-7-14 11:40 编辑 ]

rogerk. · 发表于 2014-6-20 11:48:18

我来试试看阿。。。大家砖头准备。。
Sorry...
The service you requested is not available due to unexpected technical problems or high loading on the site. We apologize for any inconvenience and we are working on restoring the service as soon as possible.

gandu. · 发表于 2014-6-20 12:58:28

maintenance window ？

bulaohu. · 发表于 2014-6-20 13:41:12

原帖由 rogerk 于 2008-7-14 00:31 发表
我来试试看阿。。。大家砖头准备。。
Sorry...
The service you requested is not available due to unexpected technical problems or high loading on the site. We apologize for any inconvenience and we ...
I'd say "heavy load" or "high traffic" instead of "high loading". The rest sounds perfect to me though.

bulaohu. · 发表于 2014-6-20 14:24:04

俺还是自己抛个砖先
“
We're Sorry
...We're unable to
supply the service
you have requested. This may be due to
unavoidable
technical problems or very high load on our site. We apologise for any inconvenience and
anticipate
that
normal
service will
resume
shortly.”
红色的都是我认为表达不自然或者不地道的地方。
[ 本帖最后由 bulaohu 于 2008-7-14 00:50 编辑 ]